


Heart

by kokofas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Death, Drabble Collection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 05:32:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3278597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokofas/pseuds/kokofas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a team loses its heart, how can it bear to play again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart

"Noya-san,are you sure you’re up for switching in again? You’re looking kind of tired." Sugawara said, a concerned frown on his face as he peered down at Nishinoya, who was already getting up to switch back in Tsukishima’s place. He’d noticed that the second year was working himself far too much lately, but nothing he said could make the boy stop.

 ”i’m fine,” Nishinoya answered quickly, his voice breathless as he put the towel he’d been holding down and ran to the court, high-fiving Tsukishima on the way. Sugawara sighed, shaking his head as he took a seat. He couldn’t do anything about Nishinoya’s stubbornness, so why try?

They were in the middle of a practice match with Aoba Johsai, both sides far too serious about the match, but that was just how they always were. Nishinoya was especially focused this time, swallowing his fatigue as he stood in position 5, ready to receive any ball that might come his way. He’d messed up far too many times before, and this time he was determined to get victory for his teammates, even if it was just a practice match.

 ”Ha!” He shouted as he received one of Oikawa’s serves, thankfully receiving it successfully and returning it to the setter. ”Kageyama!”

 ”Nishinoya, Nice Receive!” Kageyama shouted as he positioned himself, angling the ball towards Asahi, the ace striking it down onto the other team’s side of the court. There were cheers from Hinata and Tanaka, and Nishinoya smiled tiredly as they showered the third year with compliments and slaps to the back -upper arm in Hinata’s case- the taller boy laughing and scratching behind his head modestly. A few hairs had escaped from Asahi’s tight bun, the brown strands framing his handsome face. Nishinoya was unaware of how hard he was breathing until Daichi tapped him, and he quickly turned to face the older boy.

"Noya-san? you alright?" Daichi asked, his hand firm on Nishinoya’s shoulder. Noya did feel a certain pressure on his left arm. It wasn’t exactly painful, but it was definitely a nuisance. He considered mentioning that to Daichi, since Daichi would probably know if volleyball had caused him an injury of some kind, but he quickly shook his head. He was going to keep fighting.

"i’m fine. Asahi spiked a good one, didn’t he?" he asked, diverting attention back to Asahi, his eyes fond as he watched his teammates goof around.

”He did, all thanks to you.” Daichi clapped him on the shoulder, “You sure you don’t want to switch out?” he raised an eyebrow, as if giving Noya one last chance to back out of the game.

"i’m fine, will you please stop babying me now?" he groaned at Daichi, shrugging his hand off his shoulder. "If I want to switch out, I’ll switch out."

"Alright, alright," Daichi raised his hands in surrender, "Just lookin’ out for you." He smiled at Nishinoya, who rolled his eyes in exasperation, before walking back to his position.

 The game continued, Nishinoya eventually switching out with Tsukishima as the rotation moved him to position 4. Running to the bench, Noya sat down beside Sugawara, taking in deep, shaky breaths as an attempt to calm his body. It was strange, he’d never felt this kind of fatigue while playing, but today his body felt like it was about to fall apart. The pain in his shoulder was getting worse, his hands were shaking, and his vision kept going clear before blurring all over again. He could hear his own quick heartbeat in his ears, like a fast-paced drumbeat, but he was quickly torn out of his thoughts as Coach Ukai’s voice registered in his brain.

"Nishinoya-kun," the man’s voice echoed and Noya looked up at him in a daze, his eyes attempting to focus on the man. "Can you serve instead of Hinata?" he asked the boy, watching him carefully. The boy’s face looked pale, sickly even, but the game had been pretty intense thus far, so that could have had a role to play in his fatigue.

 ”Coach, i don’t think he shoul-“

"I can do it." Nishinoya quickly interrupted. He couldn't let them down now. If they wanted him to serve, he’d serve. Maybe he’ll switch out and rest a little afterwards. He struggled to keep his eyes open as he stood, blackness filling his vision as he stumbled onto the court. The beating in his ears was too loud now, too overwhelming, and he could barely hear the gasps escaping his lips as he stood behind the line, the ball clutched in his hands. His hands were sweaty, and he was vaguely aware of the numbness in his fingers as he readied himself to serve. His body felt too heavy suddenly, too tired, and as he threw the ball up in the air to smack it, his hand faltered, just short of brushing the ball’s surface as his knees buckled, and his whole body collapsed. He was barely aware of what was happening as he went down, his ears catching shouts of surprise his brain could not translate. His surroundings blurred before turning into gentle colors and then all at once, there was whiteness.

"NOYA!" Asahi shouted as he watched the small boy fall, running to his side before the whistle was even blown to indicate the halt of the game. Their other teammates surrounded them as he shook Nishinoya in a panic, eyes wide as he tried to check for a pulse. "SOMEBODY CALL THE AMBULANCE!" he shouted, voice shaking as he tried to perform CPR, his hand wrapped around the other boy’s wrist almost painfully, as if pressing harder on the bruised skin might make a pulse appear. "Noya, please don’t do this, please, please, please-"

Asahi was vaguely aware of the others, who were either trying to pull him away from Noya or were trying to wake Noya along with him. His world was filled with a silence, the kind of silence that’s far too loud, and all that existed to him was the fact that Noya was on the ground, and Noya wasn’t waking up, when he should, he  _should_ wake up; he was young and healthy and  _ **why wasn’t Noya waking up damn it??**_

"Asahi!" Daichi shouted as he, Sugawara and Tanaka managed to pull him off the smaller boy, allowing the ambulance workers to rush to his aid. Asahi was shouting, though he wasn’t sure  _what_ he was shouting as he fought against his teammates, his eyes fixed to the one boy he ever loved as they loaded him into the back of the ambulance and drove him away.

* * *

It was Sunday, the day of Nishinoya Yuu’s funeral. A lot of people had said it was a good thing, to be buried on a Sunday, the day of worship for Christians, but Asahi saw no good in it as he slipped his black suit on, a dull look in his eyes.

Noya had passed away right there on the court that day. They’d called it “Sudden Cardiac Arrest”. The doctor said there was no specific reason for a phenomenon such as this, and that it was a pretty rare occurrence, but Noya had been from the unlucky few to experience it. Asahi had shouted, screamed, cried and managed to deal Daichi a punch when he tried to restrain him, but all of that hadn't changed the fact that the second year was gone, and had been since the moment his body had made contact with the polished floor.

"Asahi?" his mother called and he snapped out of it, confused as to how he had gotten to the backseat of their car. He turned his head to look at her, the movement feeling far too heavy. He felt weak without Noya, as if the smaller boy had been his engine, and perhaps he really was, as he found his mother helping him out of the car like a little child, saying "We’re here," as softly as she could. 

He’d skipped the funeral earlier that day, saying he couldn't bear to attend, but nobody could blame him. Noya’s sudden death had dealt a blow to the whole team, but to Asahi in particular, and no matter what kind of comfort anybody tried to offer, he found himself thinking of Noya, and then crying himself to the point of emptiness he now carried with him to the service.

"oh, Asahi-kun," Nishinoya’s mother quickly embraced him once she saw him, Asahi embracing her back as he shut his eyes tightly. "I’m so sorry, dear." she said as she sniffed and pulled back to look at him, her hands cupping his face. He noted the red rimming her eyes, his own eyes tearing up as he heard the sadness in her voice. "You were so important to him, Asahi. He loved you so much." she said, and that was when Asahi broke, a sob breaking free as he tried to thank her, hiding his face in her shoulder as she embraced him yet again. If only Nishinoya knew how important he’d been to him too, but now his love meant nothing. The boy was gone.

Hours passed in the service, with the boys helping Nishinoya’s mother with catering the food, and Asahi found that the hectic flow of the service was helping dull his thoughts. They didn't go away, but he found it easier to ignore them as he washed the dishes with Sugawara drying them beside him. A lot of people had come, and a lot were still coming, and even other volleyball teams had made an appearance when they could, while those that couldn't made sure to come in contact with the team to offer their condolences.

 ”Asahi,” Sugawara began, and Asahi forced himself to focus on the boy’s words instead of drifting off like he’d been doing most of the day. “It was my fault.”

"What?" Asahi frowned as he turned to look at the boy, who had his eyes lowered. "What are you talking about?"

"Noya, he…" Sugawara bit his lower lip before turning off the tap, turning to look up at Asahi, "I knew he looked tired. I should have forced him to stay on the bench but I-I thought he was just being his usual self, I should have known- I’m so sorry Asahi. God, I’m so stupid-"

"No." Asahi clenched his jaw, gripping the towel in his hands tightly. "You’re not stupid, and this isn't your fault, Suga."

"but Noya’s-"

"Noya’s dead." Asahi smiled bitterly, taking a shaky breath, "He’s dead, and no amount of regret is going to bring him back to us, Suga, so just- please let it go."

"Asahi…" Sugawara moved to touch Asahi’s shoulder, his hand faltering as Asahi put the kitchen towel down and stepped away.

"I think I’m going to go back home now." Asahi said, turning away quickly as tears blurred his vision. _I have no home without you, Noya. **Y** **ou** were my home._

* * *

The next day, the volleyball team members were excused from all their classes, and they found themselves sitting on the volleyball court. Everybody had gathered besides Asahi, but even then, there was nobody speaking. There was nothing to say, not when the court felt more like a cemetery than a place to chase their dreams. There was an underlying fear behind their sadness, the fear that what you love most could kill you, the way it had killed Nishinoya, and Nishinoya had been the one who loved volleyball most of all.

 "I just…” Tanaka started, breaking the silence as he let his head drop back, staring up at the ceiling, “I just can’t get used to it. I keep thinking he’s gonna run in here and kick all our asses and brag about how he can receive all our serves…”

 ”But he’s not.” Hinata sighed, spinning a ball with one hand on the polished floor in front of him. The front door opened and everybody looked up, a flicker of excitement in the bottom of their stomachs in hopes that Noya had come back and was just pulling a prank on them like he always did, but it was dulled as Asahi walked in, carrying a plastic bag containing Nishinoya’s washed Libero jersey.

"No. He’s not." The tall boy’s voice echoed around the court.

That day, the team didn't play any volleyball- how could it, when it was missing its heart?

**Author's Note:**

> Sort of a long drabble. I might make this a collection of Asanoya angst, but I'm not sure yet. I posted this on tumblr then decided to post it here as well. RIP Noya /tear/


End file.
